A Forty-Year Update to:
Small Groups:  Getting Them Started, Keeping Them Going (1976)

Early in my Christian life (from age 19 as a student in college) I began to learn the importance of small group fellowship.  Experiences in my campus InterVarsity Christian Fellowship group gave me some basic understanding of the practical methodology of small group ministry.  What began as a series of articles in a church newsletter was eventually published[1] and is currently on the GoodNotSafe web site.

Recently, I talked to someone who had just read the article on GoodNotSafe, and it occurred to me that forty more years in small group experiences have taught me more observations worth sharing.  The IVP booklet (now, sadly, long out of print; hence the web page) is a good starting point.  This present essay hopefully will add to the usefulness of that original effort.

Why are we doing this?

As I re-read Small Groups, it seems that the original article was somewhat vague on the purpose of small groups.  “Getting to know each other” and obeying the New Testament exhortations about relationship are important.  The context of a small group provides an environment especially suited for those activities, but there is a still more fundamental motivation that should drive our groups.

• Just before He was arrested, Jesus prayed for believers, “that they may all be one; even as You, Father, are in Me and I in You, that they also may be in Us, so that the world may believe that You sent Me” (John 17:21).
• Peter told Christians scattered by persecution that their destiny was to “become partakers (or sharers, fellowshipers; koinoni, κοινωνοὶ) of the divine nature” (2 Peter 1:4).
• John told his readers that “our fellowship is with the Father and with His Son Jesus Christ. These things we write so that our joy may be made complete” (1 John 1:3-4).

Small groups are our beginning steps in our eternal communion with each other and with Almighty God –  Father, Son, and Holy Spirit.  Jesus and His apostles described the Trinity as central to our Christian life:

• The eternal loving relationships among the three Persons are the model for our fellowship (“all be one; even as You, Father, are in Me and I in You”).
• The fellowship among believers and shared communion with the Triune God is the context for our fellowship (“that they also may be in Us”).
• That fellowship provides the validation of our ministry to others (“that the world may believe”).

That perspective puts small groups into the category of what J. I. Packer called the “greatness and depth” of spiritual issues.  Small Groups described many of the “practical” benefits.  Seeing our current efforts in light of that eternal fellowship adds weight far beyond our immediate self-interests.

Practical Suggestions

How do we approach such serious goals?  What does a group pursuing that kind of fellowship look like?

Listening to The Spirit

The first and perhaps most essential part of the formula is – there is no formula.  Small Groups included a number of (hopefully) useful and practical ideas about starting, leading, and participating in groups.  Concrete suggestions can be helpful, but only when we remember that God is the one who changes hearts.  We should plan and be reasonably well organized, but we also need to be divinely flexible, willing to change (or scrap) our great ideas moment by moment.

As an engineer, I value careful planning.  God leads before the meeting as well as during the meeting.  However, carefully constructed outlines for a small group meeting can crash and burn when things suddenly take an unexpected turn.  Too many times over the years my reaction has been to scramble mentally, “How can I get us back on track?”  Trying to get back on track is not a bad thing as long as we are also listening for the prompting of the Holy Spirit.  “Lord, what are You doing in this situation?  Should we pursue what seems to be a tangent?  Should I guide us back to the original plan?”

That approach can be both extremely frustrating and incredibly liberating.  There is no formula, no “three steps to following the leading of the Spirit.”  If I really believe that God is always at work, then I can be eager to see what unexpected thing He might be doing.  This approach to leading a group is more like being a mystic than being a manager.  Managers plan and organize and direct and “make things happen.”  Mystics listen and observe and exult in what they see God doing.  Being a manager (making sure the group goes the way I had planned) can be easier than being a mystic (trusting God to guide me in this unexpected situation).  Diligent planning can prepare the way.  Attention to the leading of God’s Spirit allows Him to bend our plans into His ways.  Freedom comes in knowing that the outcome of the group really doesn’t depend on me after all!

It is also helpful to examine the source of the frustration we might feel as a group leader.  Pride can often be controlling our desire to control the group.  “All my effort and work is wasted.”  “They will think I am a terrible group leader.”  “They won’t come back.”  Leading (and participating) in small groups means taking risks.  One of the risks is our status and reputation if the group doesn’t go well.  Depending on the moment-by-moment prompting of the Spirit when things are not going as planned is risky.  Things still may not turn out well.  We may misjudge the Spirit’s guidance.  But listening to the Spirit makes the risk worth the opportunity to see what God may be doing apart from our careful planning.

Listening to Each Other

“Sharing” is often one of the first thoughts that comes to mind when the topic of small groups is discussed.  Here again it is helpful to re-evaluate Why?  Why are we sharing?  The “why” will affect the “how” of our time together.  What are we trying to do when we “share” with each other?

Maybe we just want to vent, to express ourselves to others.  Sometimes we want help solving a problem.  We may be trying to impress others.  Perhaps we want sympathy or support in our difficulties.

Probably the most significant influence on my thinking in this area over the last several years has been Larry Crabb, a Christian counselor and writer.[2]  That influence has shaped my conviction about the purpose of sharing with others in a small group.  Small groups expand spiritual formation.

We share to let others see deeply enough into our stories to help us see what God may be doing.  Sometimes that insight is easy.  We see great progress and clear growth, and we can rejoice together.  Sometimes that insight is very hard.  We are foundering in trials or despair, and another person can help us see what we cannot.  Others may see obstacles to our spiritual formation that are completely hidden from us, blind spots that we have.

If that is truly the intent of our sharing together, to let others see deeply into us to discern what God is doing, several implications follow.  As we listen to a person’s story how can we participate in what God is doing in their life?

• Listening means listening. Too often our “listening” to another person gets short-circuited.  The person makes a comment that triggers a thought.  Now I must work hard at keeping that thought so I can say it when the person finishes (or at least pauses for a breath).  But now I am no longer listening fully.  A suggestion I find helpful is to trust the Spirit with the thought and to continue genuinely listening.  If the thought really is that good, and maybe even from the Spirit Himself, He will bring it back to mind at the appropriate point in the conversation.  On the other hand, if it is just some idea of my own, and it is forgotten, that is a good thing as well.  Not everything that comes into our head needs to come out of our mouth.
• The goal is not to “fix” one another. “The way I would handle your situation would be to….”  Too often a person’s sharing, telling their story is met with solutions about how to solve the problem or deal with the issue.  Helpful suggestions may be appropriate at times, but being “quick to listen and slow to speak” is always good advice.  Sometimes our “advice” is really a way of showing how we have the answer to the problem, more about us than the person sharing.
• The goal is not only to empathize. “The same thing happened to me” intrudes on the person’s story.  Like premature advice, empathy can be a mask for drawing attention to ourselves.  Let your empathy and your own experience guide your listening.  What would have been most helpful in your similar situation?  Empathy can alert you to the spiritual formation that might be happening in the person sharing.  Rather than interjecting your story, ask the Holy Spirit to guide your empathy into genuine compassion.  “Rejoice with those who rejoice and weep with those who weep” – just don’t interrupt.
• The goal is not only to sympathize. “I’m sure things will turn out OK” is our frequent attempt at comfort.  Letting the person share their story, including fears or frustrations or disappointments, is important.  Hasty sympathy can prevent the person from sharing more of their story.  Instead of superficial sympathy, ask the Spirit what He might be doing in the person’s life through the difficulties.  Be sympathetic, but be even more curious to know what God is doing and eager to see the spiritual formation that is to come.
• Prayer and Bible verses are not always the best response. What a controversial idea!  The problem with immediately offering a Bible verse or a suggestion to pray is that it is almost guaranteed to end the person’s sharing.  After a prayer or a Bible verse or two, the group may be impatient to move on to the next person.  Our part in God’s work in a person’s life is often more about listening to the person and to the Spirit.  Don’t let superficial proof-texts or platitude prayers disrupt that work.  We need to continue to listen to the person’s story to know more of what to pray for and what part of Scripture will be genuinely helpful.  Sometimes a quick verse or prayer is a way to end a conversation that makes us uncomfortable.  The struggle or sin the person is confessing may be so upsetting or shocking that we want to end the discussion more than we want to see God work in the person’s life.
• Silence is indispensable. Silence in a small group can be awkward, especially if something uncomfortable or embarrassing has just been shared.  Yet often those times of silence are when the Holy Spirit is doing His deepest work, both in the heart of the speaker and the hearts of the listeners.  Don’t let flippant or thoughtless comments quench His work.
• Significant sharing takes time. Often we feel the pressure of democracy in a group.  There are twelve people.  We have an hour.  Your five minutes starts now!  Sharing our stories doesn’t mean equal time every time.  Perhaps God is so clearly working in one person that most of the group time is spent listening to him or her share their story.  Even if the same person seems to do most of the sharing every week, that could open the opportunity for questions about why they feel the need to dominate the sharing.
• Questions are keys. Earlier I mentioned the importance of the group leader listening to the Spirit as a dynamic part of the group time together.  The same principle applies to everyone in the group.  Consciously, intentionally listening for the prompting of the Holy Spirit as we listen to a person share his or her story is critical.  As the person is sharing, what questions come to mind?  What are you curious about in the person’s story?  And, as always, listening to the Spirit is essential.  Is the question going to help me understand the person more and know them better, or is it just idle curiosity?
• Study together. As mentioned in Small Groups, studying Scripture together is the other key part of small group fellowship.  Hearing each other’s stories gives us the context for exploring where God might be working in our lives.  Probing into God’s Word together gives us more clarity in what He might be doing and what He might want to do.  I am still a passionate proponent of the simple methodical inductive study approach (What does it say?  What does it mean?  What does it mean for me?  Or, Observation, Interpretation, Application).  More suggestions on that straightforward method are on the GoodNotSafe web site.  What I have gained is a sharper idea of the purpose and goal behind Bible study, individually and in a group.  The intent is not merely academic knowledge.  With our Bible study we come full circle to our starting point, our communion with the Living God.  We have the amazing opportunity of seeing more of God’s beauty in Scripture. David described it as, “Gazing on the delightfulness of the LORD” in Psalm 27:4.  A four-minute video at a church we formerly attended summarizes my thoughts.

No formulas, not even precise guidelines, these are just some additional thoughts after a few more decades experiencing God at work through small groups.  Read Small Groups and take what is helpful for your group.  Remind each other in the group of the objective of spiritual formation, to help each other “gaze on the delightfulness of the LORD” and to share together in the divine nature, experiencing oneness in and with the Triune God.

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[1] Michael Wiebe, Small Groups:  Getting Them Started, Keeping Them Going (Downers Grove, Illinois:  InterVarsity Press, 1976).

[2] For example, see
Larry Crabb, Connecting (Nashville, Tennessee:  W Publishing Group, 2005), or
Larry Crabb, Shattered Dreams (Colorado Springs, Colorado:  WaterBrook Press, 2001).